Nothing says grim and evil more than a soothing round of mini golf.

We are Kaeos, fuck you!

The Dark Woods of Finsterwolde. Photo by F.

As is often the case with us, planning took a wrong turn somewhere, and we ended up in the North of the Netherlands to record some new songs.

From the ultimately grim & frostbitten vacation home comes our series of inspired guesses on how to make doom/sludge/black metal. It’s gonna take a while to finish the production, but keep an eye out, and in the mean time you can look at the ultimately TRVE picture above, taken near our home away from home Finsterwolde. For those of you who don’t know, Finsterwolde means Dark Woods in Germanic languages such as Dutch and Deutsch.

So to keep you satisfied till then, here’s a guitar-interlude thingy that F. and T. recorded. Unfortunately, M. had too much of a hangover to participate.

The Finsterwolde Interlude (MP3)

Thanks to Robert Buder for frying us, at least there’s gonna be some discussion about it

Check out the review over here. (Oh yeah, it’s in German)

Listen to our album on Last.fm!

So, just so yo all know, we added our song “From Under the Cold Kaleidoscope… Evil Returns In Kaeos” to the Kaeos last.fm page.

It’s added under our utterly fictional album called “An Ode to Black Metal” which is of course, available for only €666,- and contains only one single fucking track. It’s a fucking TRVE track, so well, yeah… you know, it compensates for the rest of the missing album.

Have fun boosting our stats, you bunch of retarded children!

You can read the Dutch review here, or the English review over here.

We here at the Kaeos headquarters discovered we weren’t TRVE and KVLT enough, and so we decided to change our band’s name to The True Kaeos. We also changed our logo (see above) and we have recorded our first track in our new old-school style. The track is called From under the cold kaleidoscope… Evil returns in Kaeos. You can download the song here:

From under the cold kaleidoscope… Evil returns in Kaeos.mp3

This song is a Fuck you to all posers that make Black Metal the weak and powerless crap it is today. We made this song to channel our hatred for the state of the scene, and all the fakers in it. Only those of the true mind understand the real meaning of our hateful spite. We are here to eradicate all the weakening influences from our lands and from our scene.

Forget not what Akhenaten once said: True Black Metal is about hatred and intolerance. No fucking compromises!

Hail Satan!

And man, it’s awesome. First of all: It’s scathing. But, it completely lacks info on style and performance, and it even attacks the fact that we created an edition of 300 pieces. How is an edition bad? It’s not limited or anything! The reviewer immediately assumes that because we offer our demo for free, it must be lacking quality. It then goes on to comment on the production (it being ‘thin’). I, personally, wasn’t aware that Black Metal should conform to any standards in that regard. But hey, who am I?

Let me urge you all to read the review (German).

I want to thank Erik from Myrrthronth for at least admitting we make music, not letting us know his review was online, and evading all actual criticism by means of his hollow review.

Let me finish it off with a heartfelt deathwish to all people who contaminate art and creativity with their German Ordnung way of looking at expression and creativity.